roses are red
violets aren’t real
i like to use my radio show
to moon over my hot scientist boyfriend
Roses are red
we’ve talked about the violets
these dont even rhyme
stop broadcasting our sex life
i have done the thing
THAT ISN’T LUBE
idc how powerful a piece of armor if its ugly im not gonna wear it
—The stories fairytales don’t tell (via shy-fawn)
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever been a stripper?
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever been to a strip club.
Oh—you wouldn’t date a girl who’s ever done porn?
In that case, I wouldn’t date a guy who’s ever watched porn.
You’re the reason we exist.
You’re the demand to our supply.
If you disdain sex workers, don’t you dare consume our labor.
As they say in the industry, “People jack off with the left hand and point with the right.”❞
No I fucking LOVE this.
they’re pretty hardcore, one time they smoked a whole cigarette without coughing
"omg i hate small talk!!" like damn u must be so fucking annoying. its called being nice. if i was at a party and i was like "how r your classes going" and you were like "ugh lets skip that i KNOW u dont really CARE about my classes and i dont care about YOURS" i would log out of there so fucking fast
in which jade smooches everyone in the name of SCIENCE
why haven’t they made a game where you can play as a hogwarts student aND JUST GO ABOUT YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE AS A HOGWARTS STUDENT
But! But but but!
Sam DOES follow, just not right away. Sam lives a long, prosperous, ridiculously happy life in Hobbiton with Rosie, with whom he has many children. He was mayor of Hobbiton SEVEN times until he retired at age 96, oversaw the establishment of the Shire as its own independent land, and was personally given the Star of the Dunedain by King Elessar as a gesture of friendship and love. But when Rosie passed away on Mid-Year’s day, Sam rode out from Bag End on September 22nd for the last time and finally followed Frodo to Valinor as the third and last Ringbearer to do so at the grand old age of 104.
He did exactly as Frodo asked him to. He was whole, and happy, and he enjoyed and did more than he could have ever imagined when he was a humble gardener listening in for tales of the Elves. And when he had lived out his life in peace and absolute happiness he earned his reward and followed Frodo home.
DON’T TOUCH ME OH MY ERU.